Do you remember the last conversation at home when you heard “do whatever you want” from your partner? Or another situation when, in reply to your request, you heard “in a minute” yet again? Yes, it sounds like a stereotype. And yet our daily communication is made up of a million similar “messages”. Such messages often lead to unnecessary quarrels and create tension. To avoid them we should look more closely at metacommunication, because it is metacommunication that plays a key role in building mutual understanding and in the effectiveness of interactions between people.
What exactly is this metacommunication?
Metacommunication is a process of communicating that can significantly influence the understanding and effectiveness of an interaction between the parties. In an interpersonal context, metacommunication covers all messages that refer to the way a given message is sent and received. It is a key tool that helps to clarify intentions, prevent misunderstandings and build deeper agreement between the people talking.
What are the functions of metacommunication?
- Clarifying intentions. Metacommunication allows the sender to explain how their words should be understood, and to correct the receiver’s possible misinterpretations.
- Regulating the interaction. It makes it possible to adjust tone, body language and other aspects of the message to the current needs of the conversation.
- Resolving conflicts. Thanks to it, the sources of misunderstandings can be pinpointed precisely, which makes reaching agreement easier.
Example: when person A says “nothing happened” in an offended tone of voice, person B can ask: “Does the way you are saying it mean that really nothing happened, or are you actually angry?” In this way metacommunication helps to clear up ambiguities and to better understand the hidden meanings in a message.
We can react in the same way when our partner answers with the “in a minute” that we all know. Let us imagine the following situation.
You come home in the evening after a hard day at work, you are making dinner and you ask your partner, who is resting after the day and watching a series on the sofa, to take out the rubbish. He answers “in a minute”, and your emotions start to boil. This happens because the message “in a minute” is unclear and you basically do not know whether he will do it in 5 minutes, 10 minutes or maybe an hour. This not knowing often causes frustration, which can lead to a raised voice and, as a result, to an unwanted argument.
In this situation, to avoid such an outcome, you can ask your partner to be more precise about what he means: “What exactly do you mean by ‘in a minute’?” He will then specify what period of time he had in mind and answer, for example, “I’ll take the rubbish out in 20 minutes, when the episode I’m watching ends.” Thanks to that you know exactly where you stand and you do not feel the frustration caused by it not happening right now.
Metacommunication is particularly important in sales and negotiations, where ambiguities can lead to serious problems. By using metacommunication we can create better conditions for discussion, build trust and achieve success in business relationships.
